Just Out
I had always envisioned that once I was out to my parents, I would feel liberated, that a great burden would be lifted. Well, I was forcibly outed a few days ago when my parents found my “adult files” on my computer, and I’ve found no such freedom.
After having a couple of conversations with my parents about it, they’ve come to grips that I am actually gay, that this is not a phase or a passing thing. As predicted, my mom started crying, and asking me if I had fully considered what my life would now mean. I know it’s a small consolation, but I didn’t apologize for being gay. I may be sorry that it came out like this, but I feel like I have nothing to apologize for.
The worst part now, though, is that I’m feeling lonelier than ever. Perhaps it was bad luck that this all happened as I am starting law school far away from my friends and brothers, but I really wish I had someone else to talk to about what I’m going through.
I know that this will be a process; this was just one step in what is going to be a long journey that will last the rest of my life. It may be entirely trite, but all I really want is for someone to tell me it’s going to be ok.
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It’s going to be okay. It’s just something new that everyone’s adjusting to. Your parents have learned something they weren’t expecting and will come to terms with it. You’re in a bit of shock because it wasn’t what you were expecting, and like you said, it didn’t happen the way you would have liked it to. You’ll probably feel alone for a little while, I felt that way too when I came out. There was crying too and my mom thought that I wasn’t sure about myself. Well, no one can know who you are better than you, and people just have to accept it. Things are tough right now, but it’ll work out. Things will mellow and while your parents might still feel a little shocked about it in the near future, they’ll come to realize that you’re still the same person you always were, they’ve just learned something new. Don’t feel too discouraged, things will be just fine. If you need to vent, then vent; if you need to cry, then cry. It’ll make you feel better. And while you may be moving far away, think of it as a chance to start new, start out not hiding who you are, it feels so great to not have to pretend to be something you’re not. Just give it some time and everything will be okay.
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